​Sometimes, I stumble upon these quirks about myself – you know, those thoughts, behaviors, and the stories we tell ourselves that just make you chuckle.

Now, here's something I've been thinking about today: the art of being truly grateful. 
It's funny how I struggle with it. Today, after what I can only describe as a "perfect day," I found hard to be happy and grateful about it.
It occoured to me that I associate gratitude with weakness in some strange way. Like, if I acknowledge and genuinely appreciate something I've contributed to or been lucky enough to receive, it might somehow sap my strength or desire to keep pushing for improvement. It's almost like I've convinced myself that these two things are mutually exclusive.

What's truly incompatible with my struggle to embrace gratitude as an emotion, is the pure joy and appreciation of my days. 
I'm still putting in the hard work in everything I do because there is no other way, and if anything, being grateful can be the reward for all that effort.

I've got a pretty good idea where this mindset comes from, and this little revelation is helping me unwrap it.

My running journey has already been a transformative force in my life, shaping me for the better. Maybe it's time to embark on a new chapter – a "gratitude running meditation practice" – and see where it takes me.

​Growing up as the "little brother," I've always looked up to my older sister for guidance. 
She paved the way for me, showing that if she could achieve something, I could do too and aim higher, cultivating that ever-important growth mindset.

Some of my pivotal life choices, like getting into a tech career and leaving our small town, were influenced by her early decisions. It's amazing how her choices seeded the path for my own journey.

I've been wondering what it would be like to be the "big brother" - someone who share the same starting point of his/her sibling but is simply just a bit ahead of time, armed with more life experiences, lessons, and all the small wins and losses along the way. I may be romanticizing it a bit, but I imagine it'd be incredibly rewarding to witness your younger sibling triumph.

Though I'll never be the "big brother" in real life, this morning with my fellow Tewantin runners, I felt like one. I'm still beaming for the smiles and the shared sense of accomplishment after the 10km Time Trial at the end of our 9 weeks training block. Everyone ran faster and stronger than they thought possible, and personally, it was a moment of great pride.

I thought to my self "If I can do it, so can you. And I believe you can do it even better."

​This morning, I had a bit of an awakening. It dawned on me that I'm constant daily battle against my little and big weaknesses. They're sneaky, hiding behind various behaviors, thoughts, and stories I tell myself.

Most of the time, they like to take the form of seeking the easiest way out, whether it's avoiding uncomfortable situations, feelings, or conversations, or just plain procrastination. Other times, they go to the extreme opposite and hide by diverting all my attention and effort elsewhere, where it's more comfortable to get distracted and where I feel good about myself.

This simple realization hit me like a ton of bricks today, and it pushed me into action mode. I confronted a few of these weaknesses as they slithered beneath the surface.

Because, let's face it, this is a battle I'm destined to lose if I don't wake up to it and take action.

Resilience can be trained in many ways, often times by pushing through, other times by letting things go and accept, some times is by admitting our limits in that moment and be ok.
Today was certainly the latter, working against my own ego mainly.
​
A big sleep will get me back roaring tomorrow

The better than nothing behaviour. Keep writing. At least a sentence, about yourself, your thoughts, your life. As minuscule as a step it is, it is one. Better than nothing, moving forward.

Life can get busy, and a minute of introspection may be all you have.